Our ever-present imagery, thoughts and words – the world in which we exist – are things we rarely, if ever, tap into. We experience reality in an almost ‘stream of consciousness’ mode. If only we were to pause more often and listen to the chatter in our head. Much more than our education and formal learning, it is in this that the roots of our behaviour lie. Unbeknownst to us, an invisible story is directing ourmoves, wherewe define the plot; play director and actor; populate our lifewith a cast of characters, all thewhile believing our carefullymade plans are driving us, ormoaning about how random chance has affected us. So why do we end up ignoring and influencing our Inner Story? We do this for a variety of reasons. Somewhere down the line, we have forgotten to pause. Despite the rich practices which are part of differing spiritual and religious leanings, most of us are not living life in the moment but instead transacting life in the moment. There seems to be an almost pathological dread in pausing, as if a moment lost will result in retribution, or less likes & followers on social media. CEOs and business executives take pride in their speed of response, but not its thoughtfulness. Naturally, if the seniors are emphasising speed, so will everyone else, regardless of the consequences. During the pandemic, despite people working from home, there are umpteen examples of a workforce exhausted by the need to act rather than think. Meetings drag on, people are pulled into ‘urgent’ calls under the guise of brainstorming or problem-solving, and woe betide the poor soul who asks for an agenda, a time out – after all, this is a crisis! Another reason for this is muscle memory, the compulsion to obey rules drilled into us from birth. The need to conformmakes us hesitant in taking charge and going against the prescribed formula for success. Questions like “What will others think?”; “What if I fail?”; or “What if this gets me into trouble?” lurk like saboteurs in the shadows of our mind, crippling our ability to enjoy discovering and being ourselves. What is worse, we get into the habit of looking outwards for affirmation instead of defining our own measure of success. At the receiving end of this behaviour are those same ‘senior’ people, i.e. managers, owners or parents, who are aghast when decisions are kicked upwards by staff or children (themselves loathe to break the rules), and then there is talk of a lack of initiative and responsibility. But perhaps the biggest reason is that we just don’t know how to tap into ourselves. All our formal and informal education is about learning skills to help us become ‘productive’ and ‘successful’. There is insufficient emphasis on self-awareness, getting in touch with one’s feelings; conducting a dialogue where difficult questions need to be addressed or extracted from oneself; or even how one asks for help on framing a life problemwhere, say, a relationship could be at risk or there could be a proverbial leap into the unknown – where all one can do is trust oneself. No wonder we hear of so many mental health and wellness issues. SOWHATCANWEDO? There is a humongous focus on designing everything, but very little on architecting oneself. How does one start scripting one’s own life? This is a lifetime’s quest, and one has to apply oneself every day in some form, so these are some ideas to consider. Follow your joy – What is it that gives you joy, makes you confident, instils a desire to knowmore, experiment, persist. If you enjoy what you do, it renews energy and, interestingly, excellence is a vital by-product – because we enjoy it, we endeavour to do it well. This allows us to identify roles where we will excel. Time for oneself – In my Executive Coaching, whenever I ask ‘where is the time you have scheduled for yourself?’, I see raised eyebrows, hear sarcastic comments on the value of their time, 8 | or vague references to holidays. Backto-back meetings are a badge of honour. And yet it is these very people who share that they struggle with authentic relationships, feel empty and don’t know their next career move. They are trapped in golden handcuffs with a great lifestyle for the family, but burdened with mortgages and loans, and often physically stressed. It is only when we step into quiet spaces, and allow our minds to roam, that the shy yet insistent voice from inside is heard. It is not always a eureka moment, but the ability to make choices which are authentic and feel right is developed slowly. Whatever you aspire to, ‘see’ the picture(s) in your mind – Sketch, write or dictate a voice note. These are the building blocks of your life script. In the movie Any Given Sunday, the ageing and injured football star played by Dennis Quaid says, ‘…if you can see it, you can do it’. Invest in visualising your path and choices. If you stay with this, you will perceive why you make your choices. Is giving back important or is it getting ahead? Is getting the upper-hand in a negotiation the key, or a genuine win-win ? Once you see this, you understand the consequences, and whatever you do, is done with awareness. Beware of implied control, especially from ‘well-wishers’ – Tune in and listen to what the other person is implying, not just what they are saying. “Oh! That’s a great job, but your mother would like to have you around the house; as she gets older, she misses you even more”, is just one example where we need to decode the intent of those who care for us, and what we believe is good for us. If you are a manager or an owner, watch out for this classic “I will be away, and I trust you, of course, but copy me on the emails, just in case”; and there goes the training in Effective Delegation. As our daughter once told us “You are intimidating as parents, because you are take-charge problem-solvers. You are not giving us time to figure things out.“ Examine core relationships – is there reciprocity? Whether it is fun, intellectual stimulation, or a place of emotional safety, one-way traffic usually becomes a millstone around the neck. Entrepreneurs have to be especially watchful of this, as they kickstart their work through relationships, not process. If they are not proactive in ensuring reciprocity from the outset, no amount of boundary setting later will help in changing the contractual terms and expectations with clients or staff. As you move forward, as is nature’s way, tremendous and unknown forces will come to support you, often surprising you. Yes, many forces – envy, for one – will oppose you as you take charge and move to an inner rhythm, while others are unable or unwilling to. Once begun, it’s like becoming a shark with swimming, you cannot stop being self-aware, else you sink. Happy swimming, scripting, and safe landings. Sanjay Rishi is the founder of @intersections, and an Honorary Teaching Fellow & Entrepreneur in Residence in Lancaster University Management School. FIFTY FOUR DEGREES | 9 How does one start scripting one’s own life? This is a lifetime’s quest, and one has to apply oneself every day in some form, so these are some ideas to consider. ‘‘ ’’
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